There are 154 days until the TCS NYC Marathon and I am coming up on 6 weeks post knee surgery. On April 28 I had arthroscopic surgery for a meniscus tear, effectively ending my 12 year run streak and plunging me into new territory, weeks without my identity as a runner as well as access to my favorite form of relieving anxiety and stress. 

For the weeks leading to the surgery date I worried incessantly about how I would manage my life without my main mode for pacifying my neurodivergent brain. What would I do in the morning if I could not maintain my routine of daily running? How would I avoid gaining weight and losing fitness? 

Spoiler alert: I managed! I wrote more (except for this long overdue post), added some meditation into my routine, and was able to sleep in on occasion. I also learned that I needed to break the streak, I needed the excuse to stop going, to stop moving and to allow my body to fully and completely rest and heal. I feel stronger because of this recent break. The setback allowed me to not only heal other nagging injuries, but to let go of the tightly held belief that my identity solely rested on this daily work ethic. I was known as the “runner” to those driving by me in the morning, or to my cross country kids. I attached myself to the label, after all I was probably voted “most likely to fail gym class” in high school. I wasn’t the “quiet child” or the “bookworm” or the “weirdo.” I was a runner.  

Today I am slowly working my way back to running, adding in short run intervals, and focusing on walking and range of motion. I am being patient with my body, loving it, and allowing it to gradually move more, instead of consistently forcing it to work harder. This surgery was a gift in disguise. I found a bit of myself buried beneath my internal drill sergeant, and I just might like this laid back version of myself.