The Wildness Within

Laura Smith Writer

The Wildness Within

August 25, 2026

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I am eight, climbing a tree in the graveyard next to our house. The bark is rough, yet my hands don’t feel it.

I am five, hanging upside down on the bar of the swingset. I am a gymnast, my body is free to contrast, hang, and swing.

I am fourteen, dancing to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding,” the intensity of the lyrics fill my body, pulsing alongside my hormones.

I am nine, sliding down the sand dunes in Provincetown, my sister right behind me. We were not winded from the climb.

I am fifty-three, dancing to the “Muppet Show Theme Song” because my inner five-year old wanted to feel freedom again. Because the fifty-three year old cannot remember that wildness beyond the age of thirteen, because she lost the feeling of being completely free when she allowed herself (she didn’t know any better), and when she was not chained by societal expectations, perfectionist tendencies and addictions.

I am fifty-three, coloring a picture with acrylic pens, allowing pieces of myself to return.

I am fifty-three, feeling the rough bark of a maple tree, resting my head on its sturdy trunk, whispering “good morning” to its stately presence.

I am still here, hidden underneath layers of shame, expectations, and grief.

I am still here, unexpected – wild – whole.

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● About Me

I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.