I started this blog in May of 2009, and at the point I had let go of a full time job to head back to school. I was fumbling, wishing to write, completely terrified of what the future might bring, and clueless as to how I would support myself and make it to graduation. My first post was an experiment to allow my writing to seep out into the world. I was scared of what you might think of me if I actually put the words to page and sent into cyberspace. So far, no one has called me mad. It has been five years and over 200 posts. My writing has matured since that first post. I have asked for help, taken writing classes, read numerous books, written a novella and some magazine articles. I have published a book of poetry and a choral composition. And I feel as if I still have so much more work to do. I feel as if I still have a long way to go. I went back through the blog to those first posts, and see that although I have matured,  I still find myself with those basic feelings, fear, helplessness, and confusion. I now have a couple of degrees, but I still get scared when I don’t get my way. I still do not live a life entirely steeped in Faith. But who does? What would be the challenge in that? Part of life is the struggle to come back to what I Know is True. I know that I am taken care of, that God’s got my back. I know that when I step out of the way and allow miracles to happen, they actually do. I know that I have no clue what is in store for me and that it is far grander than I could have imagined. I am just not as creative as God, although I tend to tink that I know what is best for me.

My first post, written in May of 2009:
Dictionary.com has 13 definitions for the word “grace.” Two daughters of Zeus and Euryone, the Graces, were goddesses of beauty. Grace is a prayer said at the beginning of a meal, as well as moral strength, mercy, or elegance of form. The word itself bears special significance to many religious organisations. I met a Labrador Retriever at Kennedy Park one day who stole my heart. Her name was Grace, and a bumper sticker on her owner’s vehicle read, “Grace Happens.” Does grace happen or is it something that must be sought? The ballet dancer would say that it takes years of hard work, the priest might say it is an act of God. Originally a derivative of the Latin word gratus, or pleasing, gratia is a favor, kindness or esteem. Maybe today, being in Grace is as simple as showing kindness toward another. Smiling at the woman giving you a cup of coffee in the drive thru, or withholding an angry horn when cut off in traffic. There are 13 ways to come into grace, might as well start small.

Today:
What does Grace mean to me today? Remembering to connect, showing kindness, doing service whenever possible, practicing radical gratitude, and allowing beauty and God into my life. I wonder where I will be five years from now. Right now, just for this moment, I know that my life will continue to be a miracle if I just allow it to be.