Laura Smith Writer

Surfacing

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I recently went through a dark period, where I was oozing negativity and self pity. I believe that I hit a bottom of sorts, like diving into a pool and touching the floor. Instead of staying underwater and holding my breath, I chose to push myself back to the surface. This resurfacing has been an exhilarating process, mostly because I gave myself a hard push, I didn’t wait to float slowly. I placed my feet on the bottom and used all of my strength to push. This push came from a daily practice of radical gratitude and love. I listened to an inspirational CD about the power of attraction and love to escape my thinking and started to repeat the words “thank you” over and over. I told each driver that passed me that “I love you.” I started to stay present for short periods of time (ten seconds or so.) I allowed my Higher Power back into my life. Fear and poverty consciousness has a way of debilitating me, pushing me underwater where I forget to breathe and feel the weight of the world pressing in. Allowing for gratitude forces me to see miracles, to experience miracles and remember that I am never alone, ever. This time it wasn’t enough to ask my God for help, I had to actively take the help by forcing myself to see the world as a blessing. I had to do the work first and then God took over. Today I watched my Siberian huskies romp in the two feet of snow that fell overnight. I ran behind them feeling the joy that is available to me if I only get out of my own way. Thank you for this glorious day.

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● About Me

I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends. 

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