Today I felt the fear infiltrating as I rifled through my change jar for gas money. I found seven dollars in quarters, landed at pump seven and the fear dissipated. Intellectually I know that my god carries me through day by day. But sometimes, or maybe often, the fear just seeps back in. I am heading toward my senior year at a top notch university, one that doesn’t allow me time for a job, so I have been relying on god and Sallie Mae for the past two years for support. And when the funds trickle down and I have a few months until my next visit from Sallie, I get scared. And when I get scared my attitude changes. I am no longer a strong independent woman, I am a failure who just can’t seem to support her family. But I have been catching myself when the fear based voice creeps in. I need to conquer the voice, and writing a daily gratitude list is one way. I was thinking that as a writer I might like to write out the life I wish to have as well, in a story format, and begin this daily practice of physical visualization (see any of Wayne Dyer’s books for more on this topic,such as: You'll See It When You Believe It: The Way to Your Personal Transformation
Today I am:
Healthy, wealthy, wise, independent, strong and loving.
Even when I don’t feel that way, even when I want to quit before the miracle happens. Because I am enough, I know it as a child of god.
● About Me
I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.
Laura Smith Writer 
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