That is the question. I sometimes wonder how I can desperately want and not want something at the same time. This is true for me of changing. I look for things to be thrilling, to constantly change, be fresh, and for new exciting adventures to come along. The moment they do, I turn tortoise. I look at relationships that have an even trajectory, just humming along from day to day, predictable and safe, and I get frustrated. But, if I have the opportunity to change these relationships I freeze and revert to old habits. I clam up and not allow others to see what is really going on in my life. Things become fine, life becomes good, and I miss an opportunity to grow closer to another human being. I lose the chance to be vulnerable and allow others to see who I am, all of me, hard shell and all. I stop all forward movement and stagnate. Why is that? Fear of the unknown? After all, just how many people can say they have a clue as to who I am? My dog seems to be leading the pack in this one. It takes courage to open up and allow change, either to oneself or one’s relationships and position in the world. Being a turtle is cool, but gets boring after a while. Maybe today I will peek out and tell someone I am scared. Maybe not. That very thought is a small step.
● About Me
I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.
Laura Smith Writer 
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