School has started again and so have long days, long commutes and a messy house. This semester I would like to set a goal, to allow myself to have a messy house without it being a reflection of me personally. I am taking five classes and commuting an hour and twenty minutes, each way. The work load is astronomical, and I still expect myself to be able to handle life on the outside perfectly. Maybe the Wonderwoman complex has taken over my life, without the outfit (the thighs aren’t there yet). Maybe I enjoy setting myself up, so that in the end I can say, “Yes, I just can’t juggle,” or “I just can’t do this without a partner,” or, “This is what happens when you wait to go to school.” Excuses stacked up in a neat pile in the back of my brain that allow me an out if I don’t do as well as I want. So it will not be really my fault if I fail. But who is talking about failure except the scared girl in the background, who really doesn’t know that she can really do this on her own. I want to know that it will all be ok, that I will get my degree and get a great writing job, or sell a book. I want the future to be laid out in front of me. But the future cannot be seen, even fortune cookies say things now like, “Wisdom is the key to a better sex life,” and “You are competent, brave and hairy.” It comes down to faith, which is something that I would like to cultivate. Now is my chance. When I get down to 11$ in my checking account and I have 4 papers due and no gas, will I really be able to know that I will be taken care of by my God, or will I just use that as excuse #425.6 to give up and apply at Dunkin Donuts. Who knows, I cannot tell the future quite yet, but maybe if I crack open just one more cookie I will know.
● About Me
I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.
Laura Smith Writer 
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