I recently found an essay in my archives and shared it on Hub Pages: http://hubpages.com/hub/What-do-an-Anorexic-and-Barbie-have-in-Common
A friend and I were in the midst of a ten mile run and the topic of body image came up. Here we were, two healthy fit women, and we were picking apart our bodies. I lamented the fact that I was not at my target weight, whatever that is, and my friend who is gorgeous, was not satisfied with hers. Many women I talk to are not completely satisfied with their appearance. There is an entire medical practice that feeds off this dissatisfaction, plastic surgery. If I had been born at a different time I might have been considered too thin, as women were considered desirable if they had ample heft to bear children. Today I fall out of the cultural ideal, as waif -like models prance down the runaway and anorexia is an actual illness. I filled out a job application over the summer that asked my height and weight. I was honest, and never heard from them. Moving through a particularly scary time in my life, filled with transition and uncertainty, I find myself reaching for something on the outside to fill up an internal hole that is present whenever I live in fear. Today it is the obtainment of a body that may not be attainable. Tomorrow it may be sugar, diet soft drinks, or cigarettes. Addiction rears its ugly head in many different forms. One thing these all have in common is that it is an external solution to an internal problem. Wayne Dyer in one of his talks mentions that human made problems are not solved by human made solutions. The best answers are spiritual answers. The answer to all my problems today is to strengthen my relationship with my God, as I understand that God. I can take care of myself, live in a healthy manner, eat right, exercise and abstain from drugs and alcohol, but the aforementioned practices are only one part of the answer. I need to be content with who I am right now, my weight, my height, my skin color, and my life situation. Running 26.2 may help me to become healthier, and release much stress, but it is not the end all. I need to be content with who I am as a person without the external stuff, and that only comes when I stay connected with Source. Because I sure ain’t Barbie.
● About Me
I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.
Laura Smith Writer 
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