I am looking out my picture window right now, it is a beautiful day, birds singing, a gentle breeze and tufts floating around from Cottonwood trees. The stream is flowing after last nights heavy rain and everything is green, an early summer’s green. But as I sit here I am stuck in my head, thoughts whirling around, as if they were shoved into the washing machine and set to spin. The spin cycle doesn’t work if the clothes are already dry. So why are they spinning? I had a run in with someone the other day. She yelled at me and now refuses to look at me. What I have learned is that I do not need friendships that end in anger. What I have yet to learn is that not everyone has to like me. I still find my sense of self from the faces looking at me, the words said about me, the grades given my essays. Am I a straight A student or a friend who listens, or am I a child of God, lovable in every way. It seems like the leap is hard for me to make, but maybe I do not have to leap. Maybe just a step will do. Maybe I can let go of this budding friendship and look at all of the beautiful people I have in my life already who love me to pieces. Maybe one day I can get to the place where a B just means I need more practice instead of that I am not worth an A. Maybe, just maybe.
● About Me
I wrote and published my first blog post on May 26, 2009. I was about to turn 36 and had been accepted to Mount Holyoke College as a non-traditional student, on my way to completing a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Medieval Studies. I had managed, finally, to know what general direction I was traveling. As a self proclaimed voracious reader I knew that I needed a vocation that would allow me to engage daily with words: reading words, writing words, and hearing words. I also needed to eat, so I navigated my way to a teaching position and I began to fine tune my craft. I love to teach and I love my students, but I also needed to continue to hone my own literary technique, voice, and style. I continued my education in order to delve deeper into literature, making connections, and most definitely, writing. I gained more confidence as a reader as well as a writer of both creative and analytical text. That first blog post in 2009 is short, the writing average, and the topic mundane, but as I continued to learn from other writers I began to understand that to become a better writer I needed to write more. Each time I write and release a poem, a post, or a story, I hone my skills. I invite you along for the ride, for this journey of mine as I attempt to wrangle a wealth of ideas and competing directions into an organized freshly paved path to publication. I might get distracted along the way, but sometimes those detours lead us to amazing views and new friends.
Laura Smith Writer 
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